Migration Pains – The Earlier Years

Where do I start with this? The time we landed at Pearson? Or the time when we decided to migrate? Let’s start with the former.

Why the hell did we leave our plum jobs, our families (which were as big as some tribes), and friends to take our young nuclear family to a country we knew nothing about, and which had weather we were not accustomed to? Those details will be revealed shortly.

So why did we choose Canada? Canada’s biggest advantage seems to be was that it was right next to the US and we have a lot of friends and family over there.  The only downside to Canada was the weather, which I was told, was so cold that one’s ears and nose will fall off. At that time, you try to apply for Canadian immigration via a country where the wait time is less. Wait time in Pakistan was 3-5 years. The usual advice was to apply in Sri Lanka. A friend applied and got his immigration in three months, so I applied three months after him. As luck would have it, we got stuck in the system queue and it took us three YEARS to finally get my immigration interview. Now let us fast forward this story to the part where I am sitting in front of the interviewer and she is asking me the question,

“Why do you want to migrate to Canada?”

I still remember my answer, “We were looking for a society where my kids can grow up living among people of different nations, religions and creed. I was looking for a society that respects humanity first and I understand Canada is such place that offers those values. I know that I would have to start afresh but it is worth the effort as it would also challenge us to get out of our comfort zone and find out what are we made of.” As soon as I shut up, she smiled and said, “Welcome to Canada.” I did not know that it was the start of my love story with the greatest country in the world.

We flew out of Pakistan on August 17^th, 2000. The flight to Canada was interesting. There was a young handsome chap sitting behind our seats. He started a conversation with our 4-year-old daughter who told her that he is a singer. Sahar asked her to sing Chaiyya Chaiyya to my 1.5-year-old son. He smiled and said he does not know how to sing that song, but he can sing his song called Kangna. Farhana was quite suspicious of him until I told her that he is the famous singer, Shahzad Roy. Shahzad was and is a gentleman. He requested us if he can take care of Sahar and babysit her for the whole 24-hour flight. He now runs an educational trust in Pakistan and still looks not a day older than he did then. He was going to the United States as part of a musical delegation. We promised that if we will meet next time, we will take care of his kids. That promise still needs to be fulfilled. God bless him and his family.

We are now standing at Pearson Airport. It took quite a while to go through the customs and immigration procedures. Shaharyar was now quite impatient and was crying. We got a sample of Canadian kindness at the customs department who told us to come to their office in a day or two (rather than standing in line) as the kids and us looked too tired. Our family friend, Ibad, arranged someone to take care of us. When we came out, the gentleman who came to pick us up was so worried that he went to the office to make a PA announcement for us (of course, we did not hear it). We are standing at the busy airport trying to find a person who we never met. Needless to say, we were scared. The instinct was to run back to that plane and never look back. However, after a few minutes we found him. Then it was time for our first culture shock: that we ourselves must pull our suitcases to the car and load and unload them. There is no servant to help us. Oh God what have we done?!

Our first place is a bedroom in an apartment in Etobicoke. The gentleman who came to pick us up also rented it out for us. The man who owned the room, Azim, welcomed us. His family was on a visit to Pakistan and he is renting the extra bedroom. Azim turns out to be a great guy. We still are friends with the family after so many years. He gave us the basic introduction to Toronto right from the maps we should use to travel and more.

I forgot to mention one thing. We sincerely believed that Canada is the land of winter that we would be in knee deep snow in mid-August. Although we did not prepare with heavy jackets, we were in thick shirts and jeans. Suffice to say, that the only thing we ended up being knee deep in, was our sweat. So, this young family with two kids and probably 3-4 months of living expenses, although quite scared, were roaring to start their new life in Canada.

The next day we went to open a bank account. We were refused as we did not have any Canadian ID. We told the bank clerk we had just landed yesterday, and it will take us time, but that we had our landing papers to prove our immigration status. Finally, a friend who worked in a bank helped us in opening a bank account in his bank branch. Now things have improved immensely but it was quite tough during those days.

Prior to immigration, I was the regional head of an Investment Bank in Pakistan. One of my responsibility was to run my bank’s stock market brokerage house. When I told my bank’s President, who himself was younger than me and a Harvard graduate that I am migrating, he looked at me and asked about my expectations. I said that I expect that as soon I would land, there will be queue of people outside the Airport ready to hire me. He looked at me as I have gone nuts. I winked at him and said that queue would be filled with only the gas station guys. He stood up, hugged me, and told me that if I am going with that mind frame, nobody can stop me from succeeding. Now I am in Canada and realised that there is a brick wall in front of me and I have only my hands to climb it.

We went to the Canada customs office as we were instructed upon landing.  Sherry was again not happy. He is asking me to sing a song. Knowing my singing capabilities, I was quite reluctant and was telling him to wait. The customs official asked me what Sherry is saying, I told him about his wish. He said that I will work with your wife and you can sing to him. Now just visualize this, a busy customs office and I am singing in my horrible, horrible voice to my infant son. Ali (the man who came to pick us up and our official chaperone) took Sahar and they both ran out of the office as they can’t bear the torture and probably needed to laugh their hearts out. We also got our learning driving license the same day.  

The first couple of weeks were chaotic, trying to understand the city, the job market and the housing market was a whole new animal altogether. We rented our first apartment in Port Credit, Mississauga. Due to some work in the apartment, it was not ready for another ten days. We knew that these were the last days before we get in the thick of things. So, we decided to visit Farhana’s extended family in New York. We made our first international trip as a family to Canada and within two weeks we are planning to visit US for the first time.

We took a greyhound bus to US. The US customs official was too baffled. “So, you just came to Canada two weeks back AND you want to visit the US?” he asked, to which I said yes. He then asked, “Have you ever been to the US?” to which I answered no. I think by that time he was too confused and decided to let us in. We were on our way to the Big Apple, spending 10 days mostly meeting family. I was studying religiously for my Canadian Securities course. We had a drive to see the city. We saw the twin towers. It was September 2000.

A relative in New York asked me “Now that you have seen NY, Karachi, and Toronto, if you have a choice, where do you want to live?” I told him I would choose Toronto. He was shocked “Why…it is a damn village?” That is exactly why. I have not seen such open spaces and such friendly people in my life. Karachi was over populous, New York scared me. In Toronto, while we are walking people stopped us on the street to talk to our kids. When they found out that we are new immigrants, they told us not to worry, everything will be okay. There are open spaces and parks everywhere. On our way back from New York when our bus was crossing Port Credit on the QEW, I had the strangest feeling that I have reached home. I still cannot understand why…why was I having this feeling after being in Canada for only two weeks. Perhaps it was my destiny trying to tell me it was all going to be okay….

We moved into our apartment right after our return from the US. Before our flight to Karachi, we shipped some stuff that arrived late. Our first night in our apartment was without anything. Our bed was a carpet rug while using a Jaan e namaz (prayer rugs) as pillows. What a start to a new life in a new country. We had to buy furniture and were told to go to Sears (remember them?) The problem with Sears was that the furniture would take away three quarters of our savings. On a trip to Downtown Toronto, I saw an ad in the paper about a complete set of house furniture for $700, so I jumped on it. We went to the Lancedown area. The owner was a Pakistani. He listened to our story and I think he sensed how desperate we are. He told me “I will take care of all what you need under one condition. I do not eat alone. Come have lunch with me.” Without hesitation I sat down with him. I still remember he brought aloo shorba (Potato curry) and it was delicious! He very kindly arranged for transportation of furniture to our apartment and we got a complete bedroom set, living room set and dining set for that paltry sum of money. He even gifted two lamps to us! The furniture was of great quality, using it for many years. Even today, we still have the last piece of that furniture, a loveseat, in our basement. It reminds us of the times we had. Another investment we made was buying a computer and printer/scanner from a local shop over there.

We also made our toughest choice. Farhana was a professional lawyer back home and was quite successful. We decided that if we must succeed as a family, she will have to stay home. Friends thought we are crazy, in a Western society both spouses must work for a family to survive. We, the new desperate immigrants decided otherwise. To date, we think it was our best decision and I believe that she is the one who sacrificed the most for the success of our family. My kids succeed in every phase of life due to her. Although when we go back home, I receive a lot of bashings from her old colleagues who are High and Supreme court judges about destroying her career…as they think she had the potential of being a judge. So while our decision was mutual, the bashing was all mine.

Port Credit village is a beautiful place. The property is extremely expensive. There is an island of high-rise rental apartments when immigrants like us start their journey. The best part was it being right next to the train station, so going to downtown Toronto in horrible weather was not a problem. Lake Ontario was a five-minute walk and so was other amenities like schools, the grocery store, the library, and parks. We sent some pics back home and everybody thought that either we are vacationing or living in a very posh area. Frankly, we were lucky to have hit the jackpot as far as living in a great community was concerned.

Back in Pakistan when Sahar was four years old and was in pre-school, she had the habit writing backwards like writing a ‘P’ as a ‘9’. She was in one of the best private schools of Karachi which cost a small fortune. The teacher had a special meeting with us to let us know that due to this habit, we should get her to see a child psychiatrist. On her last day, I gave them a note thanking them and letting them know that writing backwards cannot stop anyone reaching the stars. They could not read it, so I let them put it in front of a mirror. You see, I can write, and even sign my name, backwards. So, when we told the teacher at Riverside Public School sheepishly about her habit. She looked at us like we are crazy, “That’s what kids do”, was her reply. Right away we knew we landed at the right place.

We used to live in a huge joint family house in Karachi. We were surrounded not just by immediate family but uncles, aunts, and an army of cousins. Both the kids were quite confused about why they only had us for entertainment….day in and day out. After a couple of days when I was picking her up from school, the same teacher came out laughing and said “You know what your daughter told me? That she has five mothers and four fathers.” I looked at her and told her that Sahar did not tell her the whole story. When she asked what us the full picture was, I told her that Farhana and I were not included in that inventory. While that amused us, it put the poor teacher into more confusion.

After getting settled in, the job hunt started. We only had a limited amount of money with us and the idea was to start any job to stop the bleeding in our savings. The goal was to find a job where I can work in the afternoons so I could spend the morning studying and finding a better one. I did two small jobs at different call centers, but I was persistent with my job hunt and finally got my first job as a temp at the RSP call center at a local bank. It was October and I had been in Canada for two months.

There was a week of training for the RSP center. On the third day the manager was trying to explain a concept, but it was going over everyone’s head. I knew what she was talking about through my studying for the CSC, so I asked if I could explain it. She gave me the go ahead and I stood up and explained the whole thing. Lydia, the manager, came to me and whispered in my ear “You don’t deserve this job.” My heart sank, why did I overstep by standing up and showing off. It was her next sentence that was gold “You deserve a better one.” Although I had just started working at the call center, Lydia (God bless her and her family) got me interviewed at the bank’s discount brokerage house. It was huge during those days; this was during the height of the dot com bubble. There used to be a seven hour wait at the call center. I was interviewed by Jeanne Chanmugam (May God rest her soul in eternal peace) and another Manager. At that time, I had only passed CSC Part 1. I needed to pass the second part and CPH to secure this job. I asked them to give me three weeks, to which the other manager laughed and told me that it will take me three months. The very next week I send them the news that I passed both exams. On the following week I was hired for the full-time position.

We did not have a car but never felt the need of it. We were blessed with one of the best public transport systems in North America. I think I saw more of Toronto and Mississauga without a car than when I got one. I used to have the monthly pass of the GO train. So on weekends, I used to wake up at 5am, then study till 10 and the rest of the day belongs to the family where we usually used to go to Toronto. The pass allowed Farhana to ride for free on the weekends, and the kids were free due to their age. Back then, a day pass for the TTC was $8, so now we can go anywhere in Toronto and come back to our apartment at night. We treated public transit as a wonderful experience, even coming from having two bank-maintained chauffeur driven cars at our disposal back home.

I remember one day in November the call centre was extremely busy. All of the sudden, I saw outside snow flurries were coming down. This was a shock to the system to someone who is used to the hot sweltering days of Karachi. I remember I just put down my phone and walked to the window with, what was probably, an open mouth. My manager came running to me asking what happened. Without looking at her I said, “First Snow”. She smiled and just went back to her desk without saying anything. The first snowstorm was equally mesmerizing. However, when I look back, I laugh at how scared I was of it. It was nothing strong buy hey… it was my first one. One of my uncles called from back home and spoke with Farhana. He said that he heard it is quite snowy and -40C over there. Farhana replied that it is much better and between -15 and -20. He called my mother later and told her “Aapa, aap ki bahu ki dimaag chal giya hai” (Sister, you daughter in law’s has gone crazy). He could not believe that -15 was normal for us in four months.

I remember my first Ramadan in December. I had a very strange feeling that I never felt before, hunger. In Karachi, we would be thirsty due to the heat. The cold had the adverse effect making me hungry. Sehri (the morning breakfast that starts the fast) used to be around 6am. I would quickly eat and then do my Fajr prayer in the train. On the subject of prayers, I used to pray on my seat at work. A manager came to me one day and said what was I doing. I said I was praying. He said “Yeah, I know but why here?” Puzzled, I asked him where else should I pray? He went away and after half an hour there was a notice that during Ramadan the big conference room will be booked during the prayer times so the Muslims can say their prayers. Eid came around and I requested my manager Kathy Niciforos if I could come a bit later after the morning prayers. I was on hourly pay so I will complete my hours later, to which she agreed. When I reached the office on Eid, I emailed her about what days I should stay late. She came to my desk and said “It is Eid, your festival. Enjoy and do not worry about having to complete the hours. You will still get your full pay.” Everyday I was falling more and more in love with this great country and its general level of decency.

Perhaps God wanted to show us the full force of winter during that year. All records of snowfall were broken. Still the storms and sub-zero temperatures did not stop us from venturing outside. Sometimes we used to go to Square One (a shopping mall in Mississauga). Our favorite place was Walmart, as its prices were within our budget. Farhana used to shop around and I used to entertain the kids in the toy section. One thing I will always be grateful for is when it came time to leave the store, the kids would stand up without a fuss and never cried about buying the toys. Frankly, we could not afford the toys there, and their reaction was a huge relief.

The biggest winter adventure we had was to go to Winterfest at Mel Lastman square. Arthur and friends, our favorite cartoon characters, were coming in the open-air auditorium over there. It was -40C in those days. Sitting on the ice-cold steps was an experience. As soon as the show ended, we ran indoors and had hot chocolate. It was great fun.

Money, as usual, was very tight. Every Saturday we used to go the library in the morning and then proceed to the grocery store. The usual weekly bill was $40, and I remember that if it reached $45, we used to start looking at each other about what have bought extra. We used to shop at No Frill owned by a gentleman named Tim Murphy. When we learned he carried Halal meat and products, I enquired him why he did not advertise them? He said that these were slow moving products and asked if I had a solution to help. So, I made some signs in English and Arabic saying Halal and we put it on those shelves. Now, all these products started flying off the shelves. There was quite a few Muslims and Arabs in that area but were not aware of availability of such products in that store. Murphy was obviously delighted. If he saw us standing at the cash counter, he used to come and inspect our buggy. Then he used to take out some products and used to tell us to come the next day as it would be on sale. He even gave temporary jobs to some people we knew who were searching for jobs and needed a temporary gig to earn some money.

One fine day my eye went red and watery. New immigrants did not have health coverage for 90 days. I waited for a day or two, but it was getting worst. I have terrible eyes (-27) and anything that could go wrong with them…often did. Finally, it was a Sunday evening that we decided that enough was enough and we should go to the doctor. We walked to the nearest walk-in clinic. The doctor looked at my eyes and said it was nothing but probably some salt particle got into it. He gave me some eye drops. I still remember it cost a whopping $30 (equivalent to a week’s grocery bill). On our way back, I told Farhana that my eye feels much better and she thought I was going crazy. Miraculously, my eye did heal overnight and was back to normal without having a single drop of medicine. I suppose the money shock told the body to take care of itself.

Who knew that I was joining the brokerage house at the worst time possible? By February, the dot com bubble burst. I remember Nortel dropping like a hammer and all the white faces around me as that was their key stock to invest in. All the temp workforce hired in the RSP center were let go. If I were still there, I would have been jobless by now. I started taking extra duties at work by teaching CSC and the Derivative and Option courses to the staff over there on a pro bono basis. It was my way of thanking my managers for helping me through this tough time, which they were appreciative of. Needless to say, I pass the Derivatives and Options course and now was going after my Financial Planning course. I also got an offer to teach part time at York University and Humber College, but it was too far away so I had to pass on it.

By this time, we also knew that my sister is getting married to Farhana’s brother (talk about a complicated relationship!). The marriage was happening in the summer and obviously we HAD to attend. It was a big thing, and really stretched our finances to the limit.  Farhana and the kids went earlier. Sherry had a bad accident at the airport as he fell from the suitcase buggy and blood was really oozing out of his mouth. We rushed him to the nearest hospital. Fortunately, it was a minor cut in the mouth, and we came back to the airport. The flight was two hours late. Never had I been so happy for a flight delay since then.

By that time, the dot com bubble reached its peak. The “irrational exuberance” melted away. One fine day we were told that we have been moved from full time to part time. I did not communicate that news to the family or anyone back home. Why should I create anxiety at a happy moment? They encouraged us to take leave without pay. I took 4 weeks to go back and attend the wedding. I also got my driving license during that time. After the wedding, I told Farhana about the job situation. We never told either of our parents what we are facing over there. As expected, she was very worried. I told her that till date God has done good for us so why worry? Everybody back home was quite shocked to see us. We both lost a lot of weight. I had to explain it to my parents that we do have enough to eat, but it was all the walking and pushing our grocery-filled cart to our apartment in the snow that was doing wonders for our general health.

Upon returning, I was told that if I apply to another position at the bank, my managers will support me. By that time, I had also passed the FP course. I saw on our internal website that there is a Senior Financial Advisor position available to cover a maternity leave. I applied and was interviewed by Philip Li, who is a gem of a guy and still my good friend. He was quite happy and hired me right away. I never knew that it was the biggest turning point of my career. I not only took my first step towards a career that took me places but started friendships that lasted even today.

Yvonne Chan was the financial advisor who had gone on maternity leave. One of the brightest and the most hardworking individuals that I have met in my life. We instantly became friends and that morphed into a family friendship even today. We both learned a lot from each other. Perhaps I learned more. I still remember that she was teaching me retirement planning and decided to try it on me. “When do you want to retire?” she asked. “Do I have to?” was my reply. “…Yes yes everybody retires here.” I then asked what the normal age was for retirement, to which she responded was 65. I told her “Ok you don’t have to do retirement planning on me. Pakistani men usually expire before that age.” Unsurprisingly, she threw me out of the room.

I had to undergo two weeks of rigorous FA training staying at the bank’s training center in King City north of Toronto. It was during that training 9/11 happened. I still remember the fear we felt. However, that was the time I truly understood the Canadian mentality. Instead of showing any hostility, they showed a genuine interest in understanding why it happened and what is my point of view. I really developed my deep respect of Canada and Canadian values during those days.

Yvonne went on leave and I was looking after her portfolio. She had a lot of gay clients. Frankly, I did not have any stigma against them but was very curious. I found them to be intelligent, artistic, and amazing human beings. Our review meeting used to focus on money for only quarter of the time booked. They would ask very insightful question to understand what I am doing and appreciate the advice. For the rest of the meeting, we would talk about history, art, and literature. The diversity I was able to experience, and contribute to, in this country is what still makes it stand out in the world today.

Toronto, and the GTA as a whole, was full of surprises. I even met old college friends, who I lost touch with for decades, in shopping malls. One of my colleagues took me to lunch at a Chinese restaurant in 2002 called Chung Moi. My colleague was a regular over there. As soon as I saw the halal sign over there, I had a sigh of relief. The owner came and started talking to my colleague and he introduced me to the owner. I looked at her for some time and asked the Chinese lady in Urdu “Aapka Shanghai restaurant tha Tariq Road per?” (You used to own the Shanghai restaurant on Tariq Road). She almost jumped. I again asked her in Urdu “You are Sonia Wu’s cousin?” Sonia was my class fellow. After that, she forgot who my colleague was and her and I started to chat in Urdu. My colleague was not too happy that his VIP status was stolen.

Sahar and I went to see our first movie, Harry Potter. She was over the moon. The little princess sat with a bag of popcorn and drink. “This is the life I like!” was her comment. Sherry was too young so Farhana had to stay back.

By that time, I passed about 8 courses and had two designations. I think I was so scared that I just focused on studies. I love watching TV and movies but in the first couple of years I hardly watched any.  My area VP called as he wanted to know what advice I have for my fellow FAs. The process for completing these courses was around 6-8 years, but I completed them in 1.5 years. Now I was an MBA from one of the best institutes in Pakistan and was an investment banker, so I knew a lot of stuff and it helps. I just told the VP to tell the advisor to start taking the GO train. It was the couple of hours of study that I did while commuting that really helped, in conjunction with the free hours on the weekend.

I had a great time covering Yvonne’s book, but all good things must come to an end. Yvonne was coming back, and I was looking for another job. I landed another job in Toronto Central. The previous portfolio was a combination of different nationalities and people from different backgrounds. However, the new portfolio here was full of either Italians or from the Jewish community. A Pakistani uncle advised me not to take it as they might not accept me. As usual, I refused to heed to his advice and it counted as one of my good decisions. The Jewish community, at first was a bit confused about having a Mohammad as their financial advisor, but in a couple of months when they realize that I meant business, they showered me with their love and of course with their business. I specially remember Mr. and Mrs. Cherry who were survivors of the Nazi concentration camp. All the pain they had suffered from filled them with love. Mrs. Cherry made special hands like things for my kids called “Hugs” which we still have today.

Our first sofa with Mrs Cherry hugs

Italians on the other hand, proved to be the South Asians of Europe. They not just looked like us in features and complexion, but we also share the same values. They are very hardworking and family oriented. They right away made me a part of their extended family. At harvest time, my room was filled with tomatoes, home grown vegetables and home-made pasta. At Christmas one time, my room had two dozen bottles of wine brought to me by my clients. One of my colleagues came to ask when I am taking it home. I said never as I do not drink and wifey would kill me. He asked whether he and others can take it. I said sure and within 5 minutes my room was squeaky clean. After that, I think they made an arrangement that when they saw a client bringing in a bottle, as soon as he or she leaves, they would come and take it off my hands. The friendship I created with some client during those days still continue today.

The SARS pandemic also happened during that time (funny to think we would be going through another pandemic in the near future). I used to take the train, subway, and the bus to reach my branch. Once I was eating and I coughed. When I looked up the whole train was looking at me.

It was a good year, and I made my first good bonus. On my way back, I stopped at the toy store. Sahar had asked me for a book, and I got the Toy Story characters for Sherry. Sherry was a huge fan of them, but he was so sick with a cold at the time, he did not know how to react.

I decided to join another bank in Oakville as it was much nearer to our house. This was before we decided to also buy our first home in Oakville. But that is a story for another day.

One question I am often asked is, how could a young family, without facing any hardship, living in a closely bonded family and enjoying a great job, leave it all and start their lives from scratch in a never seen society and country and why didn’t we run back. I think I did provide the answer to the first part of this question to my immigration interviewer. As far as the second part is concerned, it was the hunger to succeed and to prove a point to oneself that you can succeed outside your area of comfort. We found strength in our small family and succeeded by finding happiness in small things. We still think that if we were able to go back in time, we would still opt to be Canadians again in a heartbeat.

Tags: Canada, Immigration, Mississauga, New Life, Oakville, Pakistan, Port Credit, Toronto